


If you say so.

by threecheersforkilljoys



Category: Actor RPF, British Actor RPF, Sherlock (TV), Sherlock (TV) RPF, Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: F/M, M/M, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-28
Updated: 2015-02-28
Packaged: 2018-02-06 15:01:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1862172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/threecheersforkilljoys/pseuds/threecheersforkilljoys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the writers decide to make Johnlock canon things don't solemly change for Watson and Holmes but make things a lot more complicated for Ben, Martin and their little secret.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my very first fanfiction so I would be very grateful for comments of all kind:)
> 
> And of course this is complete fiction I do not believe Ben and Martin are together irl. his is not supposed to be hate for Amanda or anything just my little fangirl mind.

“Oh God!", Amanda cried out laughing in the living room. "What is it?", Martin asked, sitting down next to her with his script of the first episode of Sherlock series five in his hand, which was apparently, what she was currently reading. "Turn to page 56." The Watson actor did as he was told and started reading, curios about what had  made his wife laugh  

He swallowed hard. Christ, no please not. This couldn't be true. Steven had always denied whenever someone broached the subject of...of a certain pairing.  
Johnlock, as the fans would call it.  
Martins thoughts began to race. This must be a dream. A very, very bad dream, for sure. Not that he had anything against a romantic relationship between Watson and Holmes, it would probably be very cute and he would appreciate every movie in which the two came together, just not this one. Not with him. Him and Benedict. Benedict Cumberbatch. 

"You should see your face, darling.", Amanda said still laughing. Martin couldn't say a word.  
After a few moments the woman beside him looked at him concerned. "Are you alright?" The actor looked up from the script and tried a smile, "Of course". He grinned weirdly and hoped his wife believed him. Gladly she did and Martin got up completely confused on the inside but managing to look amused for everybody else. "I gotta ask Steven what the hell got into him.", he laughed and went back to the kitchen where he had been making sandwiches for the kids beforehand.

But instead of calling the writer he took his phone and texted Ben.  
'Have you already read the script?'  
The answer was immediate. 'I'm on page 53. Why?'  
'Keep reading. Text me when you reach page 56. You'll be...surprised.'  
'Okay give me a moment.'  
Martin knew Ben was a fast reader so he put his phone aside for a minute continuing to make sandwiches.  
"Joe, Grace!" He heard his wife shout. "Time to go!" He fast put the kids' lunch into their boxes and moved to the door. Grace was already there, waiting for him so he held out her lunch box and she put it into her backpack. "Joe, I'm waiting here.", he called for the older one of the siblings, who then came, phone in one hand, backpack somehow pulled behind him by the other one.  
"Morning", he mumbled tiredly, not looking up from his mobile. "Morning.", Martin replied, not in the mood for small talk with his children. Not now. There were more important things to think of now than if he had signed Grace' Biology exam or if Joe's best friend was coming over tonight. 

He reread the lines in his mind. Watson leans in and kisses Holmes ,it had said. Holmes is uncertain at first, then gets more confident, had been the next line.  
His phone vibrated in his pocket while he took a seat behind the wheel. Somehow Martin managed to pull it out and drive at once without crashing into the tree at the end of the driveway. 

'Oh God' Ben's message said.  
'Thought you would say that' he sent back. '  
'Can you come over tonight?'  
"Dad, who are you texting?" Grace asked from the backseat. "Ben" "What is he saying?" "Nothing,  just talking about the new Sherlock script.", he said absently. "Oh, what's happening?", she wanted to know. Grace loved the show, that was sure. "It's not exciting anymore if I tell you, is it?." She frowned but Martin knew, that she would never be able to stay mad at him for something like that.  
'Can't Amanda made dinner reservations' he replied to Ben and stared out of the windscreen. This was going to be bloody awful.

 

"Oh no, that's horrible." Martin was talking to one of Amanda's friends, who was just explaining that her husband had left her right on Christmas last year and he seriously couldn't care less. The last time he had met this woman was probably a couple of years ago and he wouldn't have remembered her name if it was not for that strange eye color of hers. Honestly, he tried to be nice to people but some were just really, really annoying. He didn't even know why Amanda had invited her. Sure, it was Amanda's birthday, but that didn't mean you had to invite every single person you ever called your friend, did it?  
He scanned the crowd for someone else to go talk to when he spotted Ben. "Excuse me for a second, would you? I really need to go talk to Benedict over there before he leaves." The woman nodded and gave him a polite smile as he crossed the room.  
This most likely wasn't the best excuse since the party just started and Ben wouldn't leave for a couple of hours but he was able to go and that was all he cared about.

He was halfway through the room when someone grabbed his shoulder. "Martin! Have been looking for you for ages, mate, how are you?" The actor turned around and saw Steven standing right behind him. Damn it, he thought. Couldn't people, just for once, stop looking for him. All he wanted, needed, to do right now was talking to Benedict fucking Cumberbatch and no one else.  
"I'm great" he smiled. "What about you?" "Me too, me too. I'm glad we'll finally start shooting again. What do you think about our new couple?" Steven sadist Moffat grinned at him as if he could already see all the gifs and fan art on that obscure website called Tumblr.  
"Wasn't exactly what I expected", Martin said truthfully and added "the fans are definintely going to freak out." "That's the plan."  
Martin let his eyes examine the room when he met the gaze of the man he had initially been looking for. Ben gave him an incredibly sweet smile and he tried to think of a way to excuse himself again when his on-screen enemy and off-screen good friend Andrew came to save him.  
"Hey, Steven I need to ask you something about the script, do you have a minute?"  
"Of course." Steven nodded to Martin, who then continued his way towards Ben.

"Hey" he said softly as he arrived. "Hey" Ben answered looking neither happy nor sad. Confused probably was the word, that described his expression best.  
"How are you?", he asked Martin smiling. "Ehm well, I spent the past thirty minutes talking to a rather unpleasant woman and then had to tell Steven I liked the - our love declaring kissing scene, so not as good as I imagined an evening with you at my house." He winked at the Holmes actor and tried to loosen up the tension between them a little. The taller man laughed as he replied "Well, I wouldn't consider an evening with a ton of people here a good evening anyways."  
"That's for sure. There's a bloody awful lot of women and their husbands here whose company isn't the most enjoyable, but you have to admit the majority of the people is actually very nice." 

"If you say so" Ben flashed a smile Martin absolutely loved. "Yeah, I say so" he grinned back.  
"Hey guys!" Amanda said suddenly standing next to her husband. "Hey" Ben said, "Happy birthday!" He leaned down to hug his co-worker. "Thanks." Amanda smiled at him. "You already read the scene?" Accentuating the 'the'. Ben laughed in a way which immediately told Martin that it was fake but Amanda fortunately didn't know him as well and didn't notice the difference.  
"Yes I did." "What do you think?" "It's...new, but I think we can to that, can't we Martin?"  
"There's nothing we can't do." the older man stated.  
"Well as long as you keep that kissing on a professional basis I think I can let you get away with it." she laughed and indicated she had to go see someone who had just arrived.  
Martin and Ben stared at each other in disbelief.

"Ben, there is someone I'd like to introduce you to." One of Amanda's friends addressed Ben. "If I may borrow him for a second.", he added looking at Martin.  
"I'm not stopping you." he said and a moment later Ben was dragged away towards a very blonde, very skinny and very girlish looking woman in a red dress.  
'Bathroom. Twenty minutes' Martin texted the Sherlock star and turned around moving in the direction of the kitchen. He knew, that if he turned around now he would see Ben being his charming self talking to whoever that woman was, possibly smiling at her showing his white teeth and offering to get her a new drink or something and that definitely was something he didn't want to see.

Martin opened the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of Scotch. Scotch was always good. Pouring himself a glass his gaze shifted through the crowd, where he saw Louise standing alone looking a little lost. Figuring it was still some time until Ben would come to the restroom he made his way to her.  
“Hey, Loo, how are you?”, he asked friendly. “Hi, Martin. I'm good, just trying to find Mark to tell him how brilliant Mycroft and Molly's encounter is.” She smiled widely and Martin tried to recall what she was talking about but came to the conclusion, that it must be towards the end and since he hadn't yet read the whole script he didn't know about it, which he then confessed to Louise.  
“But I do think I've seen him talking to Una couple of minutes ago.”  
“Oh, okay then. So, what did you get Amanda for her birthday?”, she wanted to know and Martin was grateful to talk to someone, who didn't immediately bring up the Johnlock scene.  
“You know that one jeweller she didn't stop talking about back when we were shooting season four? I got her a necklace from his store she liked.” “Really? That's great! She showed me a few of his things back then, they are amazing.” She looked as if Martin had thought of the best present ever, which indeed flattered him since he felt like jewelry wasn't really the most thoughtful thing to buy.  
He was just going to reply something when his phone vibrated. He apologized as he fetched his phone out of the jeans pocket. He had got a message from Ben. 'She needed to go home early. Mind not waiting for 6 and a half more minutes?' Damn he had calculated when he had to go, just the simple thought of this made Martin smile.

“I gotta go, but I guess we'll be seeing each other later on.” It was more of a question than an actual statement but Louise just nodded “See you” and he turned towards the stairs.  
Reaching the top Benedict was already waiting for him in front of the bathroom door. Without a word they both checked if anyone was near and moved into the small room.

“Hey” they said again, but this time in a much more intimate way. “So...”, Ben said as Martin locked the door. “page 56.” “God damned page 56, yes”, the older man agreed, “how on earth are we going to do that?” Ben sighed “Honestly?” There was a short silence between the two of them “I have no idea.”, he admitted.  
Martin swallowed hard. Ben was known for usually having a plan. Not always a good one, but at least he had one. He turned around, leaning his forehead to the cold, hard wall in front of him.  
“We gotta pretend.”, he finally said, his voice sounding more confident than he actually was. “Pretend? How am I going to pretend not to love you, while pretending to be someone, who loves someone you pretend to be? How exactly am I supposed to do that?” “We are fucking actors, Ben. We do pretending for a living. We get fucking paid for faking emotions!” “But that usually doesn't involve faking the emotions I actually have rater then pretending to be a person who feels a way I don't.” Ben's voice was so tender and almost too calm, which Martin absolutely admired. How could he stay this calm, considering the situation they were in?

Martin loved shooting Sherlock. The whole atmosphere was wonderful and with Ben there it was always such fun. He adored working with Benedict, he had a way of acting that was so brilliant and it somehow made Martin a better actor as well. But Martin would of course never admit that out loud, the big ego he had. The past two seasons were plot wise even better than the previous, but something had changed. Martin obviously knew what that was, although it made his heart ache. With guilt. During the first two seasons Ben and him had, after they got together, shared a bedroom if it wasn't too risky. They went out for dinner, sometimes alone other times with people from cast or crew. They kissed each other good night and woke up together.  
Season three had changed that. When Amanda had been cast as Mary Martin was happy about that. He did love Amanda very much, it was just...Ben...Ben was something he had no words for.  
When Steven had offered Amanda the job he had already told her, that Mary wasn't going to be a permanent character and so it happened, that during a shooting in the final episode of series four it was Mary who got hit by a bullet leaving John with baby Watson.  
Due to this Amanda wasn't going to be on set besides for one mind palace scene somewhere in the middle of the shooting process.

“We can do this. I know we can.”, Martin turned back around and looked the taller man in the eye. Ben then leaned in and kissed Martin softly. He pulled away way to fast for Martin's liking but only to say “If you say so.” That sentence had become some sort of insider, which they weren't sure what it meant. “I do.” Martin responded and closed the gap between the two of them.  
“I love you, you know that?”, Ben mumbled against his lips. “Of course I do, you hot bastard.” Ben laughed quietly. He knew, that this was Martins way of saying I love you too.  
Martins mouth slowly wandered down to Ben's neck leaving a wet trace behind when they heard someone turning the door handle. They jerked apart even though the door was locked. 

Ben gave him a puzzled look but Martin just nodded and then unlocked the door pulling Ben out of the room after him. In front of them a very wide eyed Mark Gatiss seemed to not quite know what this meat and neither did Ben.  
“We just needed a quiet room to talk about that wonderful scene of yours and Steven.”, Martin laughed and so did Mark. “How did it go?”, he asked. “Rather good I think. We came to the conclusion that we will not be frightened by the immediate heart attacks of Johnlock-shippers and hope that our skills will live up to their expectations.”, Martin lied, although Ben thought it probably was what uninvolved actors would do.  
Mark gladly didn't question what he had been told so he changed subjects “That's great, so if you two don't mind I had three glasses of champagne and I really need to get in there now.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this took so long and I know the chapter isn't all that long but I hope you like it anyways

"So, do you guys wanna practice?", Amanda laughed. Time had past fast and now only her and Martin, Ben, Steven and Louise remained at the party. "I think that won't be necessary", Martin waved her off. "Amanda does have a point there. I would love to see that. Our own and very private first Sherlock and John kiss.", the writer remarked. 

Louise chuckled at the expression on Ben's face at the thought of kissing Martin right here, right now, in front of everybody. He must look like a toddler, who had just been told Santa Claus doesn't exist, he thought.  
Of course it would be an on-camera like kiss, but still. 

"Don't be like that, Ben, he is a great kisser, I must know.", Amanda said.  
'So do I', he added privately, 'so do I'.  
"Great? I'm a fucking amazing kisser!"  
'Oh yes you are.'  
"Come on boys, give it a go."

Martin looked into Ben's eyes for a moment and saw so many emotions at once he felt like Ben must be exploding any second.  
Fear of revealing the undeniable truth, love, so much love, for him, uneasiness because of the entire situation not just right now but in general, annoyance of Amanda's and Steven's stubbornness, worry and simply fatigue.  
He gave him a small, reassuring nod and shifted closer towards Ben. He wasn't even sure why he did it. It was not as if he let other people tell him what to do. If he hadn't wanted to kiss Ben at that moment he most certainly wouldn't have. So maybe he just needed a moment with his - he wasn't even sure what to call him, boyfriend, affair, secret lover? or maybe, but just maybe it was curiosity about whether or not they could handle doing this in front of others without raising suspicions. 

The room suddenly got very quiet as nobody had really believed they'd actually do it and Benedict and Martin were both very much aware of the three other people watching their every move. Although the Hobbit-actor always seemed so confident there were the two human beings whom he somehow loved equally but very differently at the same time in this room and he knew for sure that both of them could look right through his play-it-cool facade he put on every so often and that made him very nervous. 

He watched Ben for a second and saw the small twitches in his face and posture and instantly knew that this was him going into Sherlockian mode.  
Realizing he should probably do the same he straightened his back, did the John Watson thing with his eyebrows and placed a tender hand on Ben-now-Sherlock's shoulder, remembering it was Watson who initiated the kiss. 

All of it happened very quickly, just a short brush if lips, a gaze into each others eyes and they were back to sitting on the couch and respectively armchair. 

"See, it wasn't that hard, was it?", Steven grinned sadistically like he always did.  
"Did anyone ever say anything about it being hard?", Martin shot back all smartassy and Amanda leaned over to give him a brief kiss. 

"If I wouldn't know better id say you two have done that before.", she said looking at him fondly. 

* * * * *

It was Friday night and Ben was in his apartment, alone.  
Actually it wasn't just some Friday night, it was the Friday night before they would start shooting in Monday. 

He sat down on the couch contemplating to turn on the telly and once again thinking about how miserable he must seem of anyone were to watch him right now, when he heard a knock on the door.  
Sighing at the knowledge that he would have to get up to see who was demanding his attention he did do exactly that and opened the door. 

In front of him stood the person he had thought about a couple of minutes ago, but different from his thoughts this person was clearly not sitting with his family eating dinner.

"Martin?", he said surprised.  
"Hi", the other one greeted him and walked into the apartment.  
"Didn't you say you were going out with Amanda and your kids tonight, eating at that new restaurant Peter told you about?", Ben asked and went into the kitchen to poor Martin some of the wine he had been drinking beforehand. 

"Amanda's schedule changed and she had to leave earlier for that new project of hers. Something about filming outside and the weather situation there."  
"And the kids?" "Happy to see their nanny again after such a long time of unoccupied parents."  
Ben laughed a little and handed Martin his wine glass. "So you basically dumped your own children and came here."  
"I am a horrible father, aren't I?" "That's why I love you."

The shorter man glanced at him judgmentally. "Great answer. Why do you love your boyfriend? Ah, I don't know because he is a horrible father I suppose." 

Although Ben knew he didn't mean this seriously he couldn't help but feel a little guilt in his gut.  
Ben stepped closer to him and put his arms around his waist. "So that's what you are then, my boyfriend." He looked up to the ceiling and bit his lower lip as if considering how that sounded.  
"Then, what was my wonderful boyfriends intention in coming here today?"  
He watched Martin questioningly who then removed one hand from Ben's arm to get a single curl off of the younger man's forehead. 

"Well, as filming starts on Monday and we didn't have any time together recently I thought why not use this opportunity to spend the night with you."  
"If you say it like that the lot of sex we need to catch up on really does sound romantic."  
Martin smirked at him, knowing that Ben could do anything but resist that but then said "Actually I was thinking about the two of us snuggling on the couch with glasses of wine and nice music but yes, the sex part would eventually show up on my plan." 

"Let's see, one point on your list has already been completed", he made a small move with his hand indicating that he meant the wine,"now let's move on to another one." He freed himself from Martin's arms and walked over to where his iPod waited and quietly turned on some music he knew his, apparently, boyfriend would love.  
Martin gave him a fond smile as he recognized the intro and made his way to the couch. 

Benedict was already waiting for him, his lap looking very appealing to Martin so he decided to just take his seat right there. 

For a moment they simply sat like that, looking into each others eyes, Martin's hands in Ben's hair and Ben's hands cupping Martin's face.  
After a while the older man felt the pressure of Ben's hand that had slid around to his neck slowly pulling him down to meet his lips with his own.  
A second passed and Martin finally kissed him back, slightly opening his mouth to let Ben's tongue in. 

"You know I could really snog you all night long.", he murmured in between kisses.  
Ben pulled away a few centimeters and looked at him with so much love it made Martin's heart ache and then said  
"I got no objections on that behalf."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And of course the mentioned Peter is Peter Jackson


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even people voted among the sexiest men alive get sick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry I'm taking so long school is already annoying the fuck out of me.  
> In advance, I do not have any knowledge about how film shootings work. You want to know what the hypothalamus does or how an atomic bomb works I'm your girl but this isn't really my area, so I apologize for any mistaked on that behalf.  
> Further, English isn't my first language so if you find any language mistakes tell me and I'll correct them.
> 
> I hope you'll like it.

"Achoo!"  
For one moment the entire set fell silent and everybody just stared at the tall, curly-haired man who was supposed to be all cool and mysterious. Nobody dared to give in until his short co-star burst out laughing.  
"That-", Martin managed to say in between laughing, "was the most...fucking adorable...thing I've ever seen." Holding his stomach he had problems standing properly and a second later the whole crew laughed to, all to Ben's embarrassment.  
"How come I've never seen you sneeze before?" Martin remarked. "Do that again!"  
"Cut!", somebody shouted from behind and Ben's cheeks were flashed red.  
"Stop laughing everybody I just sneezed there's nothing funny about that."  
"You" the smaller man still laughed hysterically "haven't seen yourself. You looked absolutely hilarious."  
Martin tried to pull himself together and managed to slow down the laughing. It took him another thirty seconds until he was able to be John Watson again.  
The scene they were shooting wasn't too hard and they finished it shortly after the sneezing incident. “I still have a scene to do at 'Bart's' are you going back to the hotel or coming with me?”, Ben asked Martin who grabbed to cups of tea for them. “I'm gonna come with you. It's a deduction scene, isn't it? You know I love those.” “Okay”, the taller man smiled and checked if anyone was around before gently brushing a strand of hair from Martin's face. “You were brilliant today”, he whispered, “my personal Emmy-award winning supporting actor.”  
Martin was about to say something when a crew member shouted “Benedict! Time to go!”  
“How long is that scene gonna take?”, Martin wanted to know. “No idea, honestly, depends on how many different angels and stuff they want to try, why?” “Because I want to kiss you some time soon.” “Well, I'm gonna do my best to be good enough for them and hope Mark doesn't come up with any freaky ideas for a better cinematography”  
“Benedict!”  
“We'd better hurry” “Probably”, Martin squeezed his hand before letting go and moving into the direction of the voice.

“You coming with us?”, Mark asked, who was still in Mycroft-outfit after the previous scene. “Yep, not much to do at the-” “Achoo!” Ben had caught up with Martin and stood right behind him.  
“For God's sake Ben as adorable as you look when you do that, if you're getting sick stay approximately ten miles away from me I just escaped a house with two coughing children I don't wish to catch a cold.”  
“Aye, aye, sir”, Ben made fun of him and turned to Mark. “Are we going?” “On the way.” 

The set for the lab at Bart's was already set up so they went straight to filming when they arrived. Martin stood aside and watched his boyfriend become the genius of Sherlock Holmes, examining a blood sample and deducing things faster than a normal person could think.  
“His blood shows no signs of an elevated erythrocyte rate although he was supposed to be in the higher territories of the Alps just three days ago. So he couldn't have been there for five months as his mother said. The bruises on his torso suggest physical abuse going back to seven”, he turned the 'corpse' on it's back “no nine weeks, meaning – achoo!”

“Keep rolling” “Dammit Ben that was a good one!” “I know, sorry” Somebody rushed to the table on which the fake body was lying the put it back to it's exact original state and “Action!” was called.  
Benedict started only to sneeze again, this time a little further down the line. “Maybe we should just have Sherlock have a cold and John taking care of him.”  
“That's next season's material.”, Mark noted. “Seriously?”, Martin asked. “Yes.” “You've already plotted the next series?” “Could start shooting tomorrow.”  
“Guys, we're still rolling!”

Several attempts later Ben actually made it through the scene without sneezing or looking as if he were about to and they finished for the day.  
“Now that took longer than expected.” “Didn't plan to sneeze my way through deductions.”  
They made their way outside and fortunately nobody wanted to go out today so they could just go to the hotel alone. Leaving the building two cars were waiting for them. “Why exactly are we even coming and leaving in separate cars?”, Martin said suppressing a yawn. “Because the people hiring the guys in the cars don't know that they are paying for one hotel room too much.” “Good point.” “See ya in ten minutes.” Ben opened the back door of the car. “I'll text you.” Martin showed his phone in his left hand. “Like a bloody teenager.”, Ben smirked and closed the door behind him.  
'Love you too', said the text he received a moment later.

 

“Benny, you really oughta stop letting people stress you out. Sit down I'm making tea and then we'll watch a movie. You can call your agent tomorrow, there's more important things at the moment, for example you need to kiss me right now.”  
“You needy little bastard.”, Ben laughed and pulled Martin closer to him, their lips mere millimeters away from each other. Martin leaned in to kiss Ben but the other actor pulled away smirking. “I'm not that easy to get.” The shorter man looked at him dismissively and gave it another try which resulted in Benedict taking a step backwards and sticking his tongue out.

“Who's the bloody teenager now.”, Martin laughed. Ben had to sneezed again and the older one used that moment of inattention to get hold of Ben's face and kiss him.  
“If I get sick now I'll hate you.”, he said before placing his lips on Ben's again.

 

The next morning both men woke up with a head ache. “Fuck it, Ben, you infected me with your bloody cold.”  
Ben glanced at the time his phone displayed and rapidly sat up. “We're late Martin, hurry up!” “Damn it, you sure?” “For God's sake yes I am, get your cute little butt out of the bed.” “Cute little butt, seriously?” “I didn't wanna start the day swearing like you do so yes, cute little butt.”, Ben said leaning down to kiss Martin, grabbing his butt while doing so. “Now get up, no time for breakfast gotta grab something on set.”  
“Can you give me a tissue?”, Martin sneezed and looked at his boyfriend angrily. “Hey it's not my fault you insist on snogging when I'm sick.”, Ben handed him one.

 

Arriving on set they were greeted by Una who looked at both of them and then said “You boys look horrible.”  
“Haven't noticed yet, thanks very much.” Martin commented grumpily. “The make-up people are gonna love us.”  
Ben excused him saying they rehearsed yesterday night and he must have infected Martin at some point. “What did you guys do? Rehearse the kiss twenty times in a row?”, Una joked. Ben just laughed, he still hadn't mastered Martin's level of sass so he couldn't simply say 'Yes' without either outing them or blushing.

Although he loved shooting Sherlock the day just wouldn't pass and he didn't feel well. Both Ben and Martin were constantly blowing their noses and sneezing. So were other cast and crew members but they didn't have to start again if a camera man needed a tissue. Ben got worse and worse throughout the day and Martin didn't do too well either.

While taking the third Aspirin two days later Ben heard Steven make an announcement.  
“So, as you probably noticed our two lovely mollycoddles here are coughing their way through scenes and as that is distinctly counterproductive we decided to give everyone who is sick a little pause and we'll resume shooting two days from today with the scene planned for tomorrow at eight am. And you better be healthy again by then we're on a tight schedule.” He shot his to stars a look saying 'Do your best'

Ben caught Martin's attention from across the room and smiled at him softly. Some time of would mean getting rid of the cold and some alone-time for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won't take as long for the next chapter it's already half finished so I hope I'll manage to be faster this time.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoy it while I have to study for biology after posting this and tanks for reading again!
> 
> (I know Martin and Amanda aren't married but calling her his wife makes things easier for writing)

“Good night, Joe. Sleep tight, Grace”  
“Love you too.”  
“Bye, sweet dreams.”  
Facing towards the window of their shared hotel room Martin hung up and admired the beautiful view over Cardiff. “You know, sometimes I wonder if anybody's ever noticed.” “Noticed what?”, Ben asked, lying on the bed attempting to read a book he'd found in the local book store earlier that day. “Us. Noticed there was something between us that wasn't supposed to be there.”  
“Do you recognize that you always get unsure about things after you've talked to your kids? A lot of the time you appear so confidant about what we have that you don't seem to question what you're doing but when you talk to your children they get you back on ground and you realize what you are risking the very moment you are here with me. That's a thing I love about you:”  
Martin looked at him sceptically. “Now that wasn't an ending I expected.”  
“Why? What was it that you expected?”  
“I don't know but I certainly did not think that my boyfriend would love me for developing a conscience every once in a while after having a conversation with my children, which aren't his but my wife's, who is completely oblivious to the fact that I have been cheating on her for God knows how long with my male co-star.”

Ben swallowed. “Okay, you do have a point there.” Trying to overshadow the fact that being reminded of Martin's family didn't only tremendously hurt every time, although he knew that he had been aware of what he would get himself into starting a relationship with the older man, it made him feel bad, too as he wasn't usually the guy who had affairs nor was the affair, he turned his attention towards the book again, giving his best to concentrate on whatever it was saying.  
The Hobbit actor turned around to Ben and saw the glimpse of hurt on his face before he was able to shove it away. “Shit.”, he cursed at himself. “I'm sorry, Benny, that wasn't what I meant. I didn't mean to say it that way.” Taking to fast steps he stood next to Benedict who was still laying on the bed. “It's alright, Martin.”, the taller said. 

“No, it's not and we both know that, now move over.” “I'm still sick.” “So am I”  
“You win this round.”, Ben smiled and scooted over so Martin could lie down next to him. “What are you reading?” “Wizard's First Rule by Terry Goodkind. My English teacher loved that but I never got to read it before.” “That's nice. I tried reading that once about ten years ago but I didn't really get into it.”  
“I dare you, don't spoil or I'll kiss you:”  
Martin laughed. “Well if that's so...Richard actually is-” As promised Ben shut him up with pressing his lips to Martin's. Kissing him back tenderly Martin pulled away slightly to look his boyfriend in the eyes. “I'm sorry, Ben” “I know you are.” “But that doesn't make it alright.” “It's okay, love.” The older one harrumphed. “I know you got a thing for nicknames but...nope.” Ben let out a small giggle that got weirdly mixed up with a sneeze and Martin snuggled in laying his arms around Ben's torso.

“I love you”, he muzzled before drifting off to sleep. “I love you, too.” Ben replied breathing out slowly. There would be time to think some other place in the near future. Hopefully.

 

They woke to Ben's phone buzzing the next morning. Blearily its owner freed his right arm from under Martin's body and grabbed the mobile. “It's Amanda.”, he told his boyfriend a little confused and picked up. “Hello.” Leaning in the older man tried to hear what his wife was saying.  
“Hi, Ben, I just wanted to ask you to tell Martin I'll be there in five minutes, just a little stuck in traffic. He didn't answer his phone so if you could please pass it on.”  
Hearing this Ben's eyes widened but he somehow managed a “Sure.” “Great, thanks, see you.” and Amanda hung up.

The two men stared at each other for a couple of seconds. “Don't tell me you forgot she was coming today!” “Fuck, I completely blanked that out, shit.” “What the hell would you have done if I hadn't heard my phone. I am in your bed half naked that's not something easily explained.”  
“I don't know, Ben, I'm sorry but get the fuck up now, if Amanda says five minutes it is five minutes and no longer.”

Hectically the actors got up and dressed themselves, trying to look as if they hadn't made out in the middle of the night because a screaming child next door woke them at 3 am and they couldn't go back to sleep.  
Looking mildly presentable Martin took a look through the room catching a glimpse of three shirts maybe a little too big for him. “Ben, when did we move half of your things he-”  
Knock knock  
“Shit. Ben grab those shirts and stuff them somewhere in my suitcase along with what else is yours.”, he whispered. Elegantly as always Benedict hurried across the room almost tripping over his book from last night and picked up the shirts and yesterdays underwear which no one let alone Amanda would believe to be his co-stars.  
“I'm coming give me a sec, love.”, Martin called for his wife to hear. “So you can call her love but I'm not aloud to call you that way?”, Ben hushed. “You're a bastard, love.”, Martin responded quietly making his way to the door.

He turned around once more to check if things looked as if only one person slept here recently and nodded at Ben who did so as well and hoped this would be alright.  
Martin opened the door with Amanda waiting in front of it. “Hi” he said and smiled at her. “Good morning”, she gave him a short kiss and Ben swallowed. This was not a thing one, and especially Ben, handled very well, seeing the person you love kiss somebody else. “Oh hey, Ben, didn't see you hiding in the corner over there.” Amanda laughed when she saw Ben was present, too.  
“What are you boys doing up so early?” “Ehm...”, Benedict scratched the back of his head trying t think of something. “Running lines.”, Martin helped. “There's this huge soliloquy coming up and Ben wanted me to check if he's missing anything.  
“Bit weird of a time to d that don't you think? Have you had breakfast yet?” “No, actually we haven't, we were just waiting for you to arrive to go out and get some.”, the oldest one in the room informed Amanda.  
“That's nice. Well, then I'm just gonna go to the loo really fast and then we can get going.”, the actress said and turned around heading for the bathroom. She opened the door slipped in and closed it behind her and that second it struck Martin and he could see on Ben's face he thought it to.  
“Fuck, the loo.”, both of them muttered at the same time.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually made it and finished another chapter!

Still like statues they both stood not at all anticipating the moment Amanda would come out of the bathroom, to afraid if she took a look around. "What all is in there?", Martin whispered cautiously.  
"Well…assuming we didn't clean up after taking a shower yesterday…two pairs of boxers, one mine, one yours and…the bottle of lube."  
"Shit! What do we do?"  
"You could get in there and try to distract her with God knows what or…we wait.", Ben proposed.  
"Neither of which sound appealing at all."  
Just as he finished the sentence the bathroom door opened and Amanda stepped out.  
"Good to go?", she asked and both men exhaled relieved.  
"Sure.", Martin spoke for the two of them and they made their way outside the hotel to a nice little cafe Benedict and him had spotted a couple of days ago.  
"We can't let that happen again.", Martin whispered urgently, when Amanda excused herself to go see what kinds of tea that had at the cafe.  
"Don't tell me 'bout it." The younger one had spent the entire walk there anxious and even now he was still shifting on his seat.  
'What if she found out? What would she do?' But most importantly, 'What would Martin do?' Questions like these had been bothering him for quite a while but just this morning he had realized how fucked up this whole having an affair thing was.  
It was completely fucked up and the best thing that had ever happened to him. And that wasn't even an exaggeration as sayings like these usually were. No, Martin Freeman was the best thing that had ever happened to him and without him Ben's world would be a whole lot worse.  
"Benny?", Martin asked looking at him puzzled.  
"Yeah, sorry was lost in thought, sorry.", Benedict replied shaking his head in order to get rid of his worries.  
The used-to-be-blond-now-greyish simply smiled and looked back down on the menu. "I think I'll take the croissant with strawberry jam and tea."  
A smirk crossed Ben's face. It was the exact thing he had taken when they had been here together the beginning of the week.  
"What are you smiling at?", Martin and Amanda said simultaneously. The Sherlock actor hadn't even realized that Amanda had returned and for the second time slightly shook his head, supporting the gesture by saying "Ah, it's nothing."

\---

Hours later when Ben lay in his bed, alone for the first time in a couple of weeks and he thought about anything and everything.  
He thought about the first time he had seen Martin, when he auditioned.  
He thought about, how when Olivia had left him saying she knew there was somebody else he hadn't felt anything.  
He thought about the first time Martin and him had kissed, the first time they had shared a bed at night, simply lying next to each other and the first time they had had sex.  
He thought about the first time Martin had told him he loved him and the first time he had seen Martin and Amanda kiss and how sweet Martin was with his children.  
Ben thought about all of this and it hurt. It hurt so much knowing how this man felt about him but also knowing that he won't ever completely be his.  
It hurt thinking about his life and how it rushed by. How he met nice people everyday but none of them could quite live up to the incredibility that was Martin Freeman. 

He wondered, if he would be happier right now, if he had never met Martin. Sure he was happy, when he was with him but when Martin was with Amanda Ben could practically feel his heart break into a million tiny pieces.  
If he had never met him would he be happy with someone else now? Would there be a beautiful woman in Ben's life at the moment? Just waiting for him, to come home after they finished shooting Sherlock? Would he have a little son or daughter calling him every night before they went to bed? Would he not so horribly dread having to kiss his co-star on screen in just three days?

Maybe he would. Maybe he wouldn't.  
There was no point in guessing so Ben closed his eyes and tried not to think of Martin or anything remotely related to him while falling asleep. 

\---

The next morning Ben had to be on set a couple of hours earlier than Martin and Amanda and that time was mainly used to film a scene of the two Holmes brothers discussing a "case of national importance". 

Benedict always enjoyed the scenes he had with Mark and soon it was shot and the Watson actor and his partner arrived in set. 

"Ready for some mind palace business?", Amanda asked him wearing the outfit Mary had worn back in the time of His Last Vow when the detective made her go to Leinster Gardens to show John who she was.  
"As ready as I'll ever be.", Ben replied putting on Sherlock's blue scarf and the long coat. 

The mind palace scenes were almost the hardest to do. Sherlock was so different on the inside but he wouldn't admit it to himself. It was a place where he was something in between the cold-hearted sociopath he so desperately wanted to be and the person he really was. The person that John Watson showed him he was. 

Benedict cleared his head, mentally went through his lines and then moved to where the following scene would be shot. If he couldn't have Martin for himself he would at least mesmerize him with a performance that would sweep him of his feet.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, I'm taking so long to update. I've had this chapter on my laptop for about a month now, trying to rewrite it but finally gave up and just added something. So well, I'm not exactly satisfied with it but I hope, you'll like it anyways.

“Guys, we're ready for you.”, the assistant director called from where they would shoot the next scene.  
“Okay, give us a minute.”, Martin answered manoeuvring Ben around a corner to get a little privacy. “Ben, love, look at me. We can do this, we are actors and damn brilliant ones as well. This is our job and we are going to go in front of all the cameras and we will ace that scene the way we always do. It may be the hardest acting job of your life but you know the scene, we have rehearsed it and you know how Sherlock feels in that moment and I know John's feelings. We both know exactly what we need to do and you are being ridiculous thinking that you will fuck up. Alright?”  
Ben took a moment and then nodded, “Alright.”

Martin squeezed his arm quickly and they both made their way back with just enough space in between to seem like normal mates.  
“Ready?”, the AD asked, the actors nodded simultaneously and were guided to their spots. Martin saw Ben getting into character and did the same. “And Action!”

Martin had the first line so he took a step towards Ben and delivered it. The brunette shot right back and the dialogue carried on swiftly and soon they reached the part Ben was so afraid of. In a matter of seconds John Watson would lean in and press his lips to the detective's. Martin locked his eyes t his co-actor's and what Ben could see there was one clear message 'Acting!' so that is what he did. Benedict felt like he had never concentrated on doing a scene correctly like in this very moment and when the time came, that Martin stood on his toes to kiss him his head was so full of Sherlock, that he didn't know how he could have ever doubted himself. The following movements and lines happened almost intuitively and soon the scene was over and the two of them found themselves in the middle of a room full of applauding people.  
“Amazing, guys.”, Mark told them from off-camera before the director called.  
“Everybody calm down I want to have at least two other takes of that before the hugging begins, everyone on position.”  
Ben was still fascinated by how fast an entire film crew could go silent if only someone loudly enough demanded it.  
The next take didn't go as smoothly as the previous and when Martin placed his lips on Ben's, Ben started giggling followed by an apologetic head shake, “I'm sorry, I'm sorry, let's do that again.” but his boyfriend just shot him a condescending fuck-off-I-was-acting-brilliantly-and-you-ruined-it look.

By the end of the day, Martin had the feeling he had never shot as many takes of one scene as they had for this one. Amazing takes with marvelous acting were followed by - yet again – Ben starting to giggle, someone messing up their lines or he himself tripping not so graciously in the middle of the sitting room of 221B.  
Finally they had managed a couple of really good takes and were allowed back into their hotel rooms, where Martin fell on top of the huge bed immediately. Amanda, who had stayed behind a few days to watch THE scene, as cast and crew were now calling it, entered just behind him and chuckled, “Kissing Ben that exhausting?”  
“You wouldn't believe me if I told you and God, stop laughing, if I have to hear one more person make a sound even close to that I swear, I will have to murder them.”  
“Grumpy Martin is the best Martin.”, Amanda stated and sat down next to him on bed and kissed him briefly. “You and Ben do seem to have become a lot closer lately.”  
“Have we?”, Martin asked to get himself some more time, “I suppose, maybe. I mean our schedules have overlapped a lot recently.”  
“Have I told you, that someone on Twitter actually asked me, if I was your beard?”  
Martin looked her dead in the eyes for five seconds before laughing hysterically because despite the whole part about him having an affair with a man, Amanda being his beard was indeed ridiculous.  
“I know, right, I mean, if those fifteen year old girls want to imagine you fucking each other okay but why the hell ask me it's not as if I were going to say yes anyways.”  
“Maybe you should, just to scare off the entire internet.”, the Watson actor laughed and stroked Amanda's cheek, “or we should hire someone to photoshop you onto me as a beard.”  
His partner looked at him as if he had just said the weirdest thing in human history, “Did go on Tumblr again?”. Instead of replying Martin closed the gap between them to kiss her.  
“I will take this as a 'Yes, but I'm sorry', then.”

 

Meanwhile two rooms down the corridor Ben was on the phone with Karon discussing what was on for him after the Sherlock shoot was over. Apparently he only had to make one or two appearances at some parties a week after and then that was it for a while. Benedict had deliberately chosen not to sign up for new projects for some time because what he needed most right now was a little normalcy after constantly flying back and forth, going to *insert name of random Hollywood star*'s party, filming this, being interviewed by and being seen at and as much as he loved acting, the publicity part was exhausting.  
Not to mention that he hadn't seen his parents in quite a while and he needed to catch up with some friends when he was back in London.

"How are you?", Karon asked after the usual business talk.  
"Alright, a bit tired. Shooting today was exhausting."  
"You know what I mean, Ben. You can deny any feelings you have in front of a camera and I admire that but you won't fool me."  
"Karon, I'd really rather not talk about that right now."  
"I know you don't, you never will but, Ben, don't tear yourself apart for someone who doesn't feel the same, okay? At least promise me that. If you don't want to talk about it, fine but if you don't want to stay alone for the rest of your life please give it a chance and try to find someone that isn't married with children and probably doesn't even see you that way."  
For a second Ben contemplated whether or not he should tell her but then didn't. Having an affair, especially with an internationally known film star, sort of came with the unspoken rule of non disclosure.  
"He's not married.", was all he could say.  
"But he might as well be. They have been together for almost twenty years."  
"I know."  
"Promise me you'll try?"  
"Promise. I gotta go now, need some last minute line learning for tomorrow. See you."  
"See you, Ben."

They hung up and Ben sank into the big pillow behind his back. Soon he found himself in the exact same situation as just a couple of days ago, pondering about what was happening two rooms away from him. Were they talking about their kids? Kissing? Having sex? One thought that came to Ben's mind worse than the other until he clenched his fists in agony. No matter what he did, no matter what Karon said, he knew, that he could never stop loving Martin and he was well aware that it might tear him apart but the only thing worse than not having him completely was the uncertainty of how his life could be without Martin.

Ben stared at the blank ceiling of the hotel room for too long until he decided that something had to change. He could not keep living this way. Waiting for the man he loved to be there without his partner so that they could be together for at least a little while. He had been doing it for far too long but didn't trust himself to do anything about it.  
Although he knew, that he had to.

Twenty minutes later Ben still hadn't done anything, so he grabbed his phone and impulsively sent a message. He pressed send before he could reconsider and sat back down on the bed.  
Where are you?  
The answer came faster than Benedict had anticipated so he jumped a little when the short bing occurred.  
Hotel bar. Should come here, its fun.  
For a moment he thought about declining the offer but then put on his shoes and made his way to the elevator, where he then pressed the button next to the little sign telling him that he would find the bar on the first floor.  
When Benedict entered the bar he wasn't entirely sure of what he wanted to achieve by being there but smiled to himself once he saw Martin sitting on a chair directly at the bar already looking at him expectantly. Though his smile immediately dropped, when he saw the actor's partner sitting right behind him in a conversation with Louise.

“Ben, my dear!”, Martin called. Great, Ben thought, he's drunk.  
When Ben approached his co-star, the older man's smile widened and Ben rolled his eyes. Sober Martin would never be as obvious as this and it annoyed Ben a little.  
“Hey! Don't be such a killjoy.”, Martin laughed and grabbed Ben's hand, who quickly pulled it away again.  
“Martin, we need to talk.” Ben had finally made the decision to change something about his situation and his so called boyfriend being drunk would stop him.  
“What about?”, Martin giggled and winked at him.  
“For God's sake, Martin, stop doing that! We are not alone.”, Ben hushed, hoping that Amanda was sitting far enough away so that she couldn't hear them. He glanced behind Martin to check if she was watching but only found her still lost in conversation with the other actress.  
“No one will notice.”, the short one uttered and tried to slip an arm around Benedict's waist. Luckily Ben was fast enough to take a step backwards before the barista came over to them and asked if he wanted anything to drink. After he politely declined Ben grabbed Martin's shoulder and pulled him towards the bathrooms. Maybe bright lights and less music would clear him up a little. What he hadn't thought about was what for the two of them going to the bathroom together was usually associated with until he was being roughly pushed against the door and heard Martin say, “So this is what you wanted to talk about.”, while the older man's hands trailed off to caress Ben's chest.  
For a second Ben closed his eyes enjoying the familiar touch of warm hands on his body but then remembered the reason for which he had come here and removed himself from his boyfriend.  
“Martin, I'm trying to be serious here. We really need to talk I don't think I can do this anymore.”  
Martin looked at him quizzically as if he were trying to make sense of Benedict's words until he let out a drunken laugh, “Don't be silly.”  
Ben sighed and leaned his head against the cool wall. This was not gonna work. Not with an intoxicated Martin. Ben quietly groaned in desperation. Now that he had finally had the guts to say something to Martin he probably wouldn't even remember it in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always comments are very much appreciated.
> 
> I already have another 4k words ready for this but I still need to get to that point in the story (which is quite soon actually) so hopefully I'll be able to update a little faster then.


End file.
